“Come and heart, all you who fear God, and I will tell what He has done for my soul.” Psalm 66:16
I am blessed among women.
I have spent the last two weeks trying to find words to tell you the blessings of the past year. I have imagined 20 different ways to tell the sorrows and pains that it contained. Each and every time I begin to put words on paper all I can think of to say what I started this post with. I am blessed.
One year ago I left my home, everyone I knew and loved, and boarded a plane for the United Arab Emirates. Fourteen hours later I stepped off that plane in a new land and a new home. Through this past year I have seen, said, and done things I never dreamed of. I have been brought through the fires and I have come out refined and purified.
I have once again been the recipient of overwhelming and undeserved mercy.
I came to the Emirates in an act of obedience. I knew God wanted me here and that was enough. I was scared and lonely for many of my early days here, immersed into more than one new culture and with no bearings or foundation to hold onto. I was also in the throws of a serious crisis of faith. My first months were probably some of the hardest of my life. Relationships built very slowly but as time moved on a change started.
I began to see the people around me. I saw how many of them just loved me with no expectation that I be something other than what I was. There was no requirement other than that I obey God and do my job well. I started to see people whose eyes contained no light. I actually saw real poverty. I saw a different culture for its beauty and not the perception that I had carried all of my life. I put names, memories, and stories into this place. I became a part of something so different and so much bigger than myself.
My comfort zone was stripped away. There, outside of it, I began to find life. There, in the midst of feeling lost and broken I was slowly drawn back to Christ. Friends saw the pain that I was fighting with and they took time to listen and pray. Finally, one day, a kind, gentle, and caring pastor saw through all the pain and tears to the true problem and spoke over me the words that I needed to hear. He reassured me that my Savior does love me and care about me. He prayed for me. He assured me of my salvation. It was the greatest act of love in my living memory.
With the healing of my soul came the return of joy and the strength to turn away from sins that bound me to the past and kept me constantly in pain. I was finally free. My smile and laugh returned. Joy once again became my theme and I willingly chose to take up a life of thanksgiving for the multitude of blessings that surrounded me.
I learn contentment. I learn that it is permissible to follow a different path than the one everyone else has chosen to walk. I am coming to see just how well my Savior meets all of my needs when I truly let Him. I now rejoice in the fact that I was called to a different life. I would not trade it. I accept it and rejoice in the day-to-day blessings of a simple life, a good job, and friends who simply love me for who and what I am. I rejoice in Christian brothers and sisters from different cultures and backgrounds who see my Heavenly Father in beautifully different ways. I love seeing the perspective that they bring to the table and the grace that they give me.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10.
This verse above all verses has been my comfort. For years I have kept this verse before my eyes and it has been there to stubbornly remind me in the darkest hours that God is in control. I have wandered, fought, ignored, and chosen unbelief. He loved me too much to let me go. He gave me a struggle to grow me and purify me. He disciplined me out of love for me. He understood. He knew what He asked of me and He did not required too much. He knew full well that I would stumble and fall but in the end come running back to Him and through this He opened my eyes to so much more than I could ever imagine.
He showed me how He loves those that He created. He showed me that He did create even the lost, lonely, and savage in His image. He opened my ears to hear their stories. He made me see past the clothes and smells.
He taught me that love is the most important. He brought the right people into my life to help me learn this lesson. Slowly the lesson becomes a part of me and every day I learn it a bit more. I come to see the gift that my smile is and the power He has given me to speak into people’s lives with beautiful words as well as the power to crush them with harsh ones. My responsibility becomes clear and as I embrace who He created me to be I slowly begin to live the lessons that He is teaching me.
In leaving everything I gained everything. I received back my joy, peace, and love. My laugh returned louder and deeper than it ever has been. My smile sparkles again more radiant than the sun. The winter is over and spring has returned to my heart. New life has burst forth.
I am a daughter of the King and a servant of the Most High God. My call is to obey, love, and cherish each and every person that He brings into my life. My purpose is to speak blessings over them. Through His power and by His strength He has returned my heart to me after taking it into His surgeon hands and mending the wounds that He ordained life bring me. He worked together for good the hurt, abandonment, and loss. He gave me back my life through the most incredible adventure and taught me to see the world through changed eyes. He teaches me to see it through His eyes.
“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot loose.” –Jim Elliot.
I did something out of the ordinary. I did it because I allowed God to direct my life and I accepted His direction. I did it without much thought to my comfort or safety. I willingly came across the world because I knew this is what He purposed and planned for me. In the depth of my soul I was convicted that this was the right path to walk. It was difficult but worthy. I took up my cross in some small repayment of the debt I owe Him.
I have learned that living intentionally for Christ is a powerful thing. It opens doors, heals wounds, and teaches you how to gracefully accept suffering as a part of life. It changes the way that you look at everything. To intentionally ask Christ, without reservation, where and how you should serve Him is indeed a scary thing to do but the rewards you will reap are far beyond what you could ever imagine.
Open your life to a different plan. Allow Christ to tell your story. Ask Him how He can best use you and be willing to follow. To simply exist is not enough. We are to be lights and witnesses in the world. We are to be His tools and empty vessels that He pours out into the world with.
One year later I can truly say that it is well with my soul. It is well because I obeyed, listened, and sacrificed. He used that obedience and weak faith to bring me to where I needed to be…closer to Him than I ever have been before.
Closer to Him than I ever have been before…exactly where I needed to be. May my life be a sweet sacrifice of praise to my God each and every day of my life and may it reach into eternity.
Amen.
Unconventional Womanhood 