Well, here it is again. That time of year when all of my facebook friends feel duty bound to tell me what they are giving up this year for the yearly “fast”. Let us be honest, is skipping chocolate and flour really fasting and does it really do anything for your soul?
Two years ago now, Lent and Passion Week became something special for me. It had nothing to do with giving anything up (at least nothing intentionally) because what I found was the exact opposite of what I was looking for. In many ways, on that Good Friday, I spiritually died only to be slowly resurrected over the following 3 months.
So I stand here, two years later in a completely different life. However, this life was born from that moment 2 years ago. Without I would not have done the work necessary. I stand in a life that I love and never could have imagined how it would stretch and challenge me. The preparation was hard but it was good because without it I would not be able to do what is in front of me.
The sad thing, over the past few weeks and months I have lost my heart rather. I am not saying that I have had some great crisis of faith, far from it. No, I have just become lazy. My Bible is cast aside somewhere and not faithfully perused daily. I don’t pray near as often as I once did. So, I suppose, if I am giving up anything for lent it will have to be my laziness for I am going on a journey to find my heart again. I need it. I miss it. I need to feel that closeness and that love again. The ache of my souls separation with it’s maker becomes too much.
I’m not keeping Lent this year because it is some great church tradition. While I adore the church calendar I often find that I am also quite skilled at ignoring it. This year is nothing different…in fact, it wasn’t until yesterday that it really clicked that Lent started today so that obviously shows how much I am keeping up. In fact, I don’t even know if you could say I was going to keep Lent this year. I am only doing what I should do anyway to care for my heart but I also know that, for me, there is something special about this time of year and the healing that goes with it. Healing and life flow from death and I am willing to die before my God so that He may grow me into something that is a little bit closer to what He created me to be.
I shall continue limping along in a hopefully forward direction. My humanity dictates that I shall not forget that I am a redeemed sinner who can only do all things through Christ Himself who will give me strength. I am blessed to serve a God who loves me through failures and failings and sees a loveable child through all that I do wrong.
Now, it is time to go find where I left my heart and where my God waits for me…
Unconventional Womanhood 