Returning to Joy…

Joy is not an emotion or sense that I have had much of over the past few years. Since college my life has mostly been defined by sadness and heartbreak and somehow that became my identity. I forgot how to love and how to give love. Then, as He unfailingly does, Christ turned up and pulled me back to Him.

Turns out I just had to move around the world to find myself in the perfect place for His work to be done in me and in my heart. Obviously His timing was perfect and this could have happened anywhere in the world but He chose for it to be here. This single, solitary fact has alone made my move to Al Ain the best decision of my entire life. Without a doubt.

What happened? I will spare the details but here are the bullet points.

1. God sent me the friends I needed who would help guide me back to Him.

2. I realized that I just needed to start loving people again.

3. Understanding that performance based love is not really love and that there is no way that I can make God, or people, love me more.

4. I had to let people love me and believe that they actually did.

5. I had to submit to circumstances that I was not happy about in order to do what I was called to do.

6. When sin has a foothold in your life you need to tell someone so that the matter can be brought to light and they can pray about it with you.

7. When sinful thoughts enter your mind command them to go away with the name of Christ.

8. Do not be afraid to let go of people and events that are not meant for this time in your life.

9. Immerse yourself into God’s word and grow to love Him again.

10. Forgiveness and love. Forgiveness and love. Over and over again.

Through this, and all the details, epiphanies, tears, self-death, and truth that came with it, I realized the other day that for the first time in a very long time I am truly and richly happy again. My laugh comes up out of my soul and I delightfully throw my head back as it bubbles out of me. My smile comes easily and the pain behind it is almost gone. I am peaceful and content. There is true joy once again.

So, now, I set out on a new journey. In this journey I begin to figure out who I am, what I am called to do, and what I actually enjoy doing. So many things I have done were because I was supposed to do them because they made other people happy. Now, I sit and ponder what I would actually like to do.

I have been richly blessed. There is no doubt about this. I will continue to walk on following the guidance of those wise people that God has placed in my life. I will continue to work, sacrifice, and love those around me. I will smile because I am happy not because everyone expects Christine to smile. I will keep curling up daily with my Bible, journal, my pen, and a random book of choice. I will seek silence daily. I will open my heart and ears for God’s leading. I will choose to forgive wherever it is needed. I will choose Christ.

I am a victim of God’s mercy and of that I have no doubt. I am a blessed woman.

And We Are Back At Lent Again…

Well, here it is again.  That time of year when all of my facebook friends feel duty bound to tell me what they are giving up this year for the yearly “fast”.  Let us be honest, is skipping chocolate and flour really fasting and does it really do anything for your soul?

Two years ago now, Lent and Passion Week became something special for me.  It had nothing to do with giving anything up (at least nothing intentionally) because what I found was the exact opposite of what I was looking for.  In many ways, on that Good Friday, I spiritually died only to be slowly resurrected over the following 3 months.

So I stand here, two years later in a completely different life.  However, this life was born from that moment 2 years ago.  Without I would not have done the work necessary.  I stand in a life that I love and never could have imagined how it would stretch and challenge me.  The preparation was hard but it was good because without it I would not be able to do what is in front of me.

The sad thing, over the past few weeks and months I have lost my heart rather.  I am not saying that I have had some great crisis of faith, far from it.  No, I have just become lazy.  My Bible is cast aside somewhere and not faithfully perused daily.  I don’t pray near as often as I once did.  So, I suppose, if I am giving up anything for lent it will have to be my laziness for I am going on a journey to find my heart again.  I need it.  I miss it.  I need to feel that closeness and that love again.  The ache of my souls separation with it’s maker becomes too much.

I’m not keeping Lent this year because it is some great church tradition.  While I adore the church calendar I often find that I am also quite skilled at ignoring it.  This year is nothing different…in fact, it wasn’t until yesterday that it really clicked that Lent started today so that obviously shows how much I am keeping up.  In fact, I don’t even know if you could say I was going to keep Lent this year.  I am only doing what I should do anyway to care for my heart but I also know that, for me, there is something special about this time of year and the healing that goes with it.  Healing and life flow from death and I am willing to die before my God so that He may grow me into something that is a little bit closer to what He created me to be.

I shall continue limping along in a hopefully forward direction.  My humanity dictates that I shall not forget that I am a redeemed sinner who can only do all things through Christ Himself who will give me strength.  I am blessed to serve a God who loves me through failures and failings and sees a loveable child through all that I do wrong.

Now, it is time to go find where I left my heart and where my God waits for me…

 

What If We Just Ate The Brownies???

So, I’m beginning to wonder, what is the point of all the dieting and working out if you still can’t eat the brownies without feeling guilty.

I’ve been harping on this whole health thing for several months now.  My little sister is tired of discoveries about my thyroid and adrenal glands.  I’ve gained weight though that is mostly due to stress.  And I am back on my bodyrock.tv exercise bandwagon…and I love it.

But, once again, as I watch all the health nuts ramble away, rejoicing when they eat perfectly and with complete self-control and then kicking themselves when they fail and go on a binge, and now I ask this question:  what is the point of it all?

Why are we working out, dieting, and seeking to resemble the Greek gods of old?  Granted, there is definitely something so beautiful about the picture of the perfectly toned young man or woman in the prime of their youth.  But should that be the focus.  Should our focus and goal be our mortal bodies?  Or should we care more about our souls?

Body or soul?  I think that is the question.  Now, without doubt, both are incredibly important.  You do have to take care of your body and honor it as the temple of the Lord but also remember it is a temporal thing.  This body will become old, diseased, and will return to dust.  You should be careful what you put into it.  You should respect it.  But the time you spend of caring for your body and focusing on that should not outstrip the time you spend caring for the only part of you that is eternal.

 “For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness if profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8.

I was randomly reading my bible one day as I was pondering some of this and this verse caught my eye as you can imagine.  It truly made me start to wonder if there was any point to all these push ups, vitamins, iodine drops, and stress I was putting on myself to attain something I was not completely sure I even wanted.

At the end of it all, yes, I really do need to take care of myself but I also do not need to stop living.  I still need to eat the brownies, enjoy the wine, and relish the delights of peach cobbler made of fresh, in season, picked that day peaches.  I also need to make sure I take time to imitate the Proverbs 31 woman.

“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” ~Proverbs 31:17

Yes, we are to care for our bodies but our focus should not be for earthly gain.  We must not focus on our bodies so much that we forget our souls.  We turn away from gluttony, drunkenness, and all other forms of vile behavior.  We obey our God.

Our souls are eternal.  They will be a part of us forever.  We probably do not realize the full importance it entails.  Our souls and our hearts will play the far greater role in our walk with Christ, relationships with our families, and our witness to the world.  Cultivate inward beauty.  Let that shine forth from you.  It will be far more valuable.  Embrace modesty for the humility that it is.  Welcome the chance to give yourself for others.  Open yourself to others so that they can perhaps learn from your story and the wonders that God has done for your soul.   After all,

 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  ~Proverbs 31:30

I think we should eat the brownies and work out.  Sure, eating brownies will make the slimming process slower and maybe you will never reach 18% body fat (why?) but that might actually please your husband more.  Never forget, Marilyn Monroe, still considered to be one of the world’s most attractive sex icons ever, was, by her measurements, a size 8-12 (depending who you ask).  I have yet to meet a man who when asked, said that he didn’t like curves on a woman.  I’m not recommending obesity…just allow your body to be what God built it to be.  Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t look like a photoshopped image.  Cultivate inward beauty.  It is much more lasting.

After all, you will most likely be more remembered for your personality and love of life that the fact that you were a perfect size 2.

Don’t waste your life.  Enjoy it.  Obey God.  Be blessed and enjoy the gifts that He has given you.  Relish them.

Eat the food…and love every mouthful.  Delight in the brownies for they are good for your soul!