Joy is not an emotion or sense that I have had much of over the past few years. Since college my life has mostly been defined by sadness and heartbreak and somehow that became my identity. I forgot how to love and how to give love. Then, as He unfailingly does, Christ turned up and pulled me back to Him.
Turns out I just had to move around the world to find myself in the perfect place for His work to be done in me and in my heart. Obviously His timing was perfect and this could have happened anywhere in the world but He chose for it to be here. This single, solitary fact has alone made my move to Al Ain the best decision of my entire life. Without a doubt.
What happened? I will spare the details but here are the bullet points.
1. God sent me the friends I needed who would help guide me back to Him.
2. I realized that I just needed to start loving people again.
3. Understanding that performance based love is not really love and that there is no way that I can make God, or people, love me more.
4. I had to let people love me and believe that they actually did.
5. I had to submit to circumstances that I was not happy about in order to do what I was called to do.
6. When sin has a foothold in your life you need to tell someone so that the matter can be brought to light and they can pray about it with you.
7. When sinful thoughts enter your mind command them to go away with the name of Christ.
8. Do not be afraid to let go of people and events that are not meant for this time in your life.
9. Immerse yourself into God’s word and grow to love Him again.
10. Forgiveness and love. Forgiveness and love. Over and over again.
Through this, and all the details, epiphanies, tears, self-death, and truth that came with it, I realized the other day that for the first time in a very long time I am truly and richly happy again. My laugh comes up out of my soul and I delightfully throw my head back as it bubbles out of me. My smile comes easily and the pain behind it is almost gone. I am peaceful and content. There is true joy once again.
So, now, I set out on a new journey. In this journey I begin to figure out who I am, what I am called to do, and what I actually enjoy doing. So many things I have done were because I was supposed to do them because they made other people happy. Now, I sit and ponder what I would actually like to do.
I have been richly blessed. There is no doubt about this. I will continue to walk on following the guidance of those wise people that God has placed in my life. I will continue to work, sacrifice, and love those around me. I will smile because I am happy not because everyone expects Christine to smile. I will keep curling up daily with my Bible, journal, my pen, and a random book of choice. I will seek silence daily. I will open my heart and ears for God’s leading. I will choose to forgive wherever it is needed. I will choose Christ.
I am a victim of God’s mercy and of that I have no doubt. I am a blessed woman.
Unconventional Womanhood 